Why Mistakes Shape Us

Just recently, I had a deep conversation with a close friend, and we reflected on something that we often overlook: the importance of our personal journeys. We talked about how, so often, we expect our paths to mirror those of others, or we hope to replicate someone else’s experiences, thinking that if we follow their blueprint, we’ll find the same success. But the truth is, our journeys are, and should be, unique. They can’t be the same—and more importantly, they shouldn’t be.

For a long time, I felt this strong pull to help others along their way. I thought that if I shared my experiences, pointed out shortcuts, or offered advice, I’d be doing them a favor, sparing them from some of the pitfalls I encountered. It felt like the right thing to do. But over time, I began to realize that as much as I wanted to guide people, the true value of their journey often lies in the experience itself—the lessons learned through trial and error, and sometimes even failure. It’s not just about reaching the destination; it’s about the growth that happens along the way.

When I look back at my own experiences, I can now see the importance of the struggles, the mistakes, and the small victories. At the time, they didn’t always make sense, but in hindsight, they were shaping me into the person I needed to become. That’s the thing about journeys—you don’t always understand them while you’re on them, but eventually, when you pause and reflect, everything begins to connect.

I’ve also learned that while it’s tempting to help someone avoid the same mistakes we’ve made, sometimes it’s more important to let them stumble, pick themselves up, and keep going. It may seem harsh, but it’s often what they need. What we can do, however, is offer support and counsel. And when our advice doesn’t land, the best thing we can do is to be there, ready to help when they need it. This requires patience—something I’m still working on. It’s so easy to want to say, “I told you so,” but that’s not how real growth happens. Growth comes when someone arrives at their own realizations, when they say, “I’ve made a mistake,” and then seek guidance on how to move forward. That’s how leaders help others grow—by offering perspective, but allowing people the space to find their own way.

Life is full of uncertainties. There are countless things we wish we could have known earlier—things that would have made everything easier. We long for that one piece of advice that will change everything, or that one connection that will alter the course of our lives. But I’ve come to realize that’s not how life works. You don’t know these things in advance, and while that uncertainty can be unsettling, it also means that you have to embark on the journey yourself. The more people you meet, the more advice you receive, the better you become at distinguishing good advice from bad. The more friends you make, the clearer it becomes who your true friends are. And the longer you travel through life, the more you get better at navigating it.

Now, I’m not saying we should all be careless and make mistakes on purpose, nor am I suggesting that we deliberately allow others to fail. What I am saying is that when you’re working with someone to help them become the best version of themselves, you should give them the freedom to make mistakes. It’s their journey, and the best you can do is offer guidance. Don’t feel bad if they don’t take your advice. If I’m being honest, there were plenty of times in my life when I didn’t listen to good advice. I just didn’t understand back then what I understand now. And I think that’s what life ultimately teaches us.

Speaking of good or bad advice, I’m starting to realize there may not truly be such a thing as “bad” advice, especially when it comes from friends, family, or those we trust. Often, what I initially perceive as bad advice is more a result of shortsightedness, ignorance, or simply the differences in worldview, experiences, and the personal journeys we’re on. Sometimes, advice that doesn’t resonate with me in the moment may make perfect sense later, or it might just reflect a perspective that doesn’t align with where I am in life at the time. In either case, every piece of advice has a context, and understanding that context is key. But even when we grasp the context, if we’re not ready for that advice—if we’re not at the right point in our lives—it might still feel off, no matter how much explanation or context we have. Timing, as much as the advice itself, plays a huge role in whether it makes sense to us.

I’ve also noticed an interesting contradiction in how we approach life versus how we approach learning. When it comes to learning a new language, mastering a skill, or coding, we accept that practice is essential and that mistakes are part of the process. We embrace the idea of “failing forward.” Yet when it comes to life—where the stakes can feel higher—we often become risk-averse. We try to protect ourselves, and others, from making mistakes, as if failure is something to be avoided at all costs.

Yes, the consequences of certain choices in life can be serious. But the same applies to learning. The difference is, in life, we tend to treat mistakes as failures rather than as opportunities for growth. In reality, some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned didn’t come from doing things perfectly; they came from the times I stumbled, adjusted, and kept moving forward.

We need to give ourselves, and others, the freedom to practice in life—to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow. Because in the end, it’s not the smooth, easy paths that shape us. It’s the personal journey, with all its ups and downs, that makes us who we are.