For those We Care About

I’ve been coming full circle on this thought lately. Maybe it’s something you’ve felt too, but don’t talk about much. I know I haven’t. It’s this strange reality, how hard it is to influence or inspire the people closest to you.

You’d think that when people care about you, they’d trust your advice. You’d think your words would carry weight because they’ve seen you, been with you, know your story. But the truth? Most times, they won’t take your advice. They’ll nod, they’ll thank you, but deep down, they won’t fully buy in.

And I’ve been thinking about why that is.

Maybe it’s got something to do with how familiar they are with you. The closeness. There’s this old African saying that a king is not honored in his own village, but is revered in another. I never quite understood it growing up, but now it hits different.

Could it be because they’ve seen you in all your past versions? The unrefined one. The one who messed up a few times. The one who used to be reckless or confused or just finding their way. Maybe they still hold onto that image. Maybe it’s hard for them to see past it.

And that makes it even harder when you’ve grown, when you’ve put in the work, quietly or loudly, and you’ve changed. You’ve spent time away, focused on healing or learning or building. You’ve shed skin and stepped into new light. But when you come back into their world, they still see the old you. Or maybe they just can’t reconcile the old you with the version in front of them.

I’ve experienced this a few times, and it’s frustrating. Not because I need validation, but because I know I’ve walked the road I’m speaking about. I’ve lived the mistakes. I’ve learned from them. I’ve seen others do the same. And when I offer something, a piece of advice, a reflection, it’s not to preach. It’s to help. But they don’t always see it that way.

And maybe that’s the part that hurts.

It feels like everyone else can benefit from what you’ve learned, except the people you love the most.

You start to question yourself. Should I say less? Should I wait for them to come around? Should I let them make the same mistakes I’ve made, even when I know how much it’ll hurt?

There’s this tightrope between care and distance. You want to be gentle, not pushy. But you also don’t want to sit by and watch them spiral or stall. Sometimes, you think maybe patience is enough. Just be there. Just listen. Let them arrive at it themselves.

But then there are days when you wonder, maybe tough love has its place too. Maybe shaking things up is the only way to wake someone up. Maybe making them uncomfortable forces them to act. But that can also strain the relationship. It can push people further away. And who wants that?

It’s a hard thing, really.

Because the people you love the most are also the people who are hardest to reach. They’ve built a version of you in their minds, and anything that doesn’t fit it feels unfamiliar, even when it’s better, stronger, wiser.

You might have helped strangers, colleagues, even people online, people who trust your insights because they only know the polished version of you. They haven’t seen the stumbles. They see you where you are, not where you came from. And sometimes, that makes all the difference.

But still, it doesn’t feel right to give up on those you care about. Even if they don’t listen now. Even if they roll their eyes or shut you down. You hold onto hope. You leave the door open. And maybe one day, they’ll come around, not because you pushed, but because your life spoke louder than your words ever could.

Maybe that’s the way forward. To live the lesson. To become the example. To keep doing the work not to convince others, but to stay grounded in your own growth.

And when they’re ready, they’ll remember who showed up, not just with advice, but with presence.

I don’t have it all figured out. I still wrestle with this. But I know this much: People don’t always listen to the ones closest to them. That doesn’t mean your insight isn’t valid. It just means they’re still trying to reconcile the old you with the new one. And most of the times, it’s unconscious to them. They don’t choose to be this way towards you? It just happens.

So you give grace. You stay the course. And when they’re ready to hear, you’ll still be here.

Let’s talk about this more, because too many of us feel this and don’t say it out loud.