Embracing the Journey of Mentoring

Mentors hold a deeply significant role in one’s life. Not everyone who reads this has experienced the benefits of effective mentoring, but there are those, myself included, who have. I strongly encourage everyone to actively seek out this enriching experience. Having a few mentors involved in your career or personal journey can substantially elevate your efforts. In recent times, mentoring has gained considerable popularity, and my personal journey has taught me several key insights about mentoring, some of which I had to learn the hard way and continue to learn.

Counsel and Advice:

“Counsel” involves helping you navigate your thoughts, while “advice” entails someone sharing their perspective. As mentees, we often gravitate towards seeking advice rather than counsel, and many inexperienced mentors tend to offer advice rather than true guidance. While both have their place, genuine assistance lies in providing thoughtful counsel. Advice can place individuals on a pedestal they often can’t live up to, and frequently, mentees fail to act on the advice given, leading mentors to misinterpret this as a lack of commitment or adherence.

Thankfully, distinguishing between advice and counsel is straightforward.

Advice:

When someone states, “Well, if I were you, I would blah, blah, blah,” and you hear “If I were you,” you’re receiving advice. However, this statement essentially implies “If you were me.” In other words, the advice is to mirror the adviser’s choices in your own life. This approach works well only when your circumstances closely mirror those of the adviser. Unless you’re a genetic twin, this alignment is rare. While advice can be valuable, it’s important to exercise caution when considering its application. When receiving advice, it’s wise to delve into the adviser’s values, priorities, viewpoint, and the pivotal experiences that have shaped their convictions.

Note: Sound advice comes from individuals with indisputable expertise. Seeking guidance from experts is appropriate for tasks like tax filing or medical decisions. However, there is no expert adviser for the entirety of your life. People may often claim to have received “bad advice,” but more likely, they received good advice that wasn’t applicable. Be cautious when receiving advice about your life from various sources.

Counsel:

Counsel differs significantly from advice. It is consistently beneficial. Your own thought processes can never be too clear, and a strong grasp of your own wisdom and insights is invaluable. Connecting with someone who can offer effective counsel, leaving you with a clearer and calmer state of mind, is a valuable asset. This is where proficient mentors truly shine. It’s essential to emphasize that authentic mentoring revolves around providing counsel. This often begins with a barrage of questions aimed at truly comprehending your thoughts, expressions, and experiences. Skillful counselors might ask similar questions from different angles to ensure their understanding is accurate. They may summarize your thoughts and inquire, “Did I understand that correctly?” This approach underscores their focus on you, not themselves.

The value of mentors’ life experiences lies not in imparting facts or answers, but in leveraging their broad experiences and objectivity to help you perceive your reality anew. Accomplished mentors dedicate most of their time to listening and subsequently offering alternative perspectives on your situation. This facilitates new ideas and enables you to generate answers that suit your circumstances.

Mentors can be particularly instrumental in your decision-making process. Important choices are rarely straightforward and are often obscured by competing concerns. During times of mental chaos, connecting with a mentor for counsel can be invaluable. The mentor can patiently listen as you unpack your thoughts, helping you categorize them into major, minor, and irrelevant aspects. A proficient mentor undertakes this task with care and sensitivity. Prioritizing and sorting issues often borders on guiding someone toward a preferred choice. A skilled mentor refrains from dictating actions, or at the very least, acknowledges the risks of undue influence. They might say, “I’m not insisting that taking that promotion and relocating to Berlin is the right move, but I’ve noticed your enthusiasm whenever Germany is mentioned. Have you noticed that too? It might be worth exploring.”

Mentors take on various forms. Some individuals are fortunate enough to discover lifelong mentors who genuinely care and commit to accompanying them for extensive periods. However, valuable mentorship comes in other forms as well. You can find mentors who specialize in specific areas such as parenting, finances, or spirituality, as well as those suited to specific needs like career choice, transitioning into managerial roles, dealing with relationship, or relocating. The guidelines here are fluid; the key is to recognize individuals capable of providing mentoring support.

Now, you might be contemplating where to find these valuable mentors. (If you’re not, then feel free to skip this section; you’re one of the fortunate ones already well-supplied with mentors.) We propose that there are more individuals capable of providing effective mentoring than there are true master mentors. Numerous individuals possess the capacity to offer guidance, exceeding the number of authentic mentors. Many individuals possess substantial life experiences and the willingness to listen and provide thoughtful counsel, but many of them may not perceive themselves as mentors or lack the expertise to engage in meaningful mentoring conversations. This doesn’t imply they can’t be mentors; they may simply not qualify as master mentors.

This is where the art of being a receptive mentee comes into play. You don’t need an entire roster of master mentors. While they are highly valuable, mentor-capable individuals from whom you can glean mentorship are more abundant. Initiating the mentorship process is surprisingly straightforward. When you identify someone suitable for mentoring, spend time with them and steer conversations toward areas where you seek guidance. Rather than seeking their choices, request insights and experiences to aid in clarifying your thoughts.

Finally, mentorship is a journey and it usually takes time. And with everything that takes time, it requires dedication, commitment and strong intentions.